July 18, 2020

Reading in 1 Nephi 16 and of course thought a bit about all the things I think about in this chapter.  "Guilty despise truth", how all people have sometihng in them that wants to do good - especially when times are smooth sailing and blessings abound, but the selfish and self important have little patience for Heavenly Father's trials.  Obviously the challenge of righteous living isn't much of a challenge when the hunting and gathering are smooth, food is plentiful, and you just found a wife.  But when it goes South, even a little, how quickly we forget...

However, of that I am not inclined to write tonight.  Those are all thoughts upon which I have ruminated but tonight I want to consider something different: that is verse 21, right at the beginning.  He states, "I Nephi having been afflicted with my brethren".  I wonder if we think enough about the turmoil of those who may hav made choices that negatively impact us, but do we consider the "affliction" they are feeling?  I know I personally would prefer be the one who is hurt by the choice of another than be the one making the bad choice.  SOmetimes when I 'm the one who has made the choice that hurts others,  I wanto them to see, hear, and feel how badly I wish I could fix what I have done, take away their pain.  But I can't.  All i really can do is try to be the person I'm trying to be, and hope the efforts I have made to be that person overshadow my mistakes.  I guess the point I'm making is that good people feel the effects of their mistakes deeply, and in my opinion there is rarely any good in point out to good peopel that we're upset about their mistake.  They get it, more than anybody.

That said, as a parent I'm constantly falling into the trap of jumping on a kid for a mistake that they already feel terrible about.  I don't know exactly why I do that.  The drug of anger is a powerful one.  It's like there's something in us that wants out - some level of anger that is looking for a voice, for a situation to make itself known.  Did Nephi really need to hear his brothers, even his dad murmuring about what seems to potentially have been something Nephi did that perhaps was avoidable.  I love however, that he uses this scripture to express that he too is feeling the effects of his mistake.  

I need to do better about taking advantage of people by using their mistakes as an opportunity to let the angry beast out. ANd what I do know to be true, is that the more I yield to the power that drives me to lose my patience and understanding, the more I am inclined to untether that beast again.  Anger is a drug, and the more we use it, the more we are inclined to use it.