July 26, 2020

Been a few days.  I get reading done but I have struggled mightily to stay awake to write.  I am reading in Chapter 19 of 1 Nephi, it's when NEphi calls out that he may be making some mistakes in his judgment as to which book should be used to record which events.  Then he essentially says that from the beginning men have been making some pretty bad judgment calls.  

Yesterday in home church Tay talked about what is required to make it to Heaven, especially in light of scriptures like "Be ye therefore perfect".  She talked shared some quotes from Elder Holland and President Ballard that reminded us to try.  That's what we need to be doing - we need to be trying.  As I think aboiiut Nephi's reference to those who've gone before him and made mistakes, I think some may be trying to excuse himself because others have made mistakes too.   Kind of as if he's being petty and doing the, "I did this, but you did that" thing.  I don't think that's what Nephi is doing at all.

I think Nephi is saying, "I'm not perfect, and news flash, neither were the many prophets before me - because that's not what is expected of us".  I hope those who read it come away with the thought that Nephi, as the many prophets before him, aren't without flaw, and I don't have to be either.

I wonder what it is that causes us to fluctuate between the best of ourselves and the less great in ourselves, or that "natural being" that is within each of us.  I think it's that we forget about grace, and the atonement, and put on the humility that accompanies those whose hearts are full of gratitude for the mercy and grace of a loving Savior.  Interestingly that grace is not meant to make us feel guilt, it is meant for us to understand how loved we are, because of our divine worth.  Conversely the natural man in us is - in my opinion - by nature hungry for approval, for evidence that it is loved, revered, respected, feared, in short, worthy.  The atonement and the Holy Ghost entice us to love and accept ourselves because of our godly nature, our divine heritage, our infinite value to Heavenly parents for whom we are of infinite worth.  With God and the Savior's sacrifice, that divine worth is free - not to be earned, it's not limited so it doesn't have to be divided, it's eternal.  So one need not jockey for it, simply accept it and let it change us, and as it does we begin to approach perfection - perhaps not because of what we do from moment to moment, but because of our understanding of who we are: Infinite, invaluable, divine beings.

July 22, 2020

1 Ne: 17.  I really enjoy the ideas in verse 14.  It is a message about hindsight, retrospect.  "After you have arrived you shall know that I did deliver you".  This is tied to faith of course but is also a bit of a different idea that I like to consider.  You will see when you look back that the Lord has blessed you, though you might not see when you look at your immediate present, or your future, but he's saying that you will see when you have the chance to look back.

Kat has often expressed that her work as a mom and wife can feel repetitive, lacking meaningful impact, can seem insignificant, and unfortunately can sometimes just feel like the outcomes are not there given the amount of investment that is being made.  But in considering the promise of the Lord in verse 14, we can't expect to see immediate changes / results. But we DO need to give our kids, as we're teaching and preparing them, the opportunities to make decisions so they have the blessing of looking back and being able to see - in retrospect. 

July 20, 2020

I wanted to elaborate on the post from yesterday, because as I was sharing some of those scriptures with my family, some additional insights came to mind that I thought I might want to capture.  As I spoke to my kids about letting the mistakes of one another go and not use them as opportunities to belittle or to criticize, I was reminded of the time when I was 14 and wrecked my dad's car.  Shouldn't have even been driving, much less wrecking.  Well, he knew how I felt, and he said nothing other than, first, "Are you OK?"  Followed by a kind but obvious reminder, "you're going to have to figure out how to pay for that."  He never criticized me, he held me accountable, but with love and kindness.

Then I thought about the Savior.  How does He handle us when we fail him?  DOes he rub our noses in it?  Or does he just 'let it go' and not critize?  He actually does neither, he literally looks for ways to help us rise from the guilt we feel from our mistakes, to remember and take advantage of the atonement, thereby enabling us to continue to grow and stretch ourselves, and in so doing become more like the Savior.

What an example.  How can I, when I see mistakes, increase my love for the one who committed them, so that through me they can see and believe that they are larger and more valuable than a mistake, and that they can rise above it.  How can I help people see their weaknesses becoming strengths through forgiveness, and trust in the Savior's promises?

July 18, 2020

Reading in 1 Nephi 16 and of course thought a bit about all the things I think about in this chapter.  "Guilty despise truth", how all people have sometihng in them that wants to do good - especially when times are smooth sailing and blessings abound, but the selfish and self important have little patience for Heavenly Father's trials.  Obviously the challenge of righteous living isn't much of a challenge when the hunting and gathering are smooth, food is plentiful, and you just found a wife.  But when it goes South, even a little, how quickly we forget...

However, of that I am not inclined to write tonight.  Those are all thoughts upon which I have ruminated but tonight I want to consider something different: that is verse 21, right at the beginning.  He states, "I Nephi having been afflicted with my brethren".  I wonder if we think enough about the turmoil of those who may hav made choices that negatively impact us, but do we consider the "affliction" they are feeling?  I know I personally would prefer be the one who is hurt by the choice of another than be the one making the bad choice.  SOmetimes when I 'm the one who has made the choice that hurts others,  I wanto them to see, hear, and feel how badly I wish I could fix what I have done, take away their pain.  But I can't.  All i really can do is try to be the person I'm trying to be, and hope the efforts I have made to be that person overshadow my mistakes.  I guess the point I'm making is that good people feel the effects of their mistakes deeply, and in my opinion there is rarely any good in point out to good peopel that we're upset about their mistake.  They get it, more than anybody.

That said, as a parent I'm constantly falling into the trap of jumping on a kid for a mistake that they already feel terrible about.  I don't know exactly why I do that.  The drug of anger is a powerful one.  It's like there's something in us that wants out - some level of anger that is looking for a voice, for a situation to make itself known.  Did Nephi really need to hear his brothers, even his dad murmuring about what seems to potentially have been something Nephi did that perhaps was avoidable.  I love however, that he uses this scripture to express that he too is feeling the effects of his mistake.  

I need to do better about taking advantage of people by using their mistakes as an opportunity to let the angry beast out. ANd what I do know to be true, is that the more I yield to the power that drives me to lose my patience and understanding, the more I am inclined to untether that beast again.  Anger is a drug, and the more we use it, the more we are inclined to use it.  

July 15, 2020

Reading chapter 15 tonight and I'm pretty tired, and as such my brain is not gathering up a lot of the wheat from this particular chapter.  I guess the only thing that pops out hit me in verse 14 but we see it all over in the chapter.  It is the word come.  I have talked about this before in a post or two, but in this case it's not coming to Him, it's coming to knowledge, of the Reedeemer, of the gospel, of the doctrine, unto the true fold of God.

Things are out there to be consumed, so long as we are willing to come to them.  They have been there from eternity to eternity, they are principles of the everlasting, and we just need to go where they are; heaven knows they will not come to us.  -

July 13, 2020

Finishing up in chapter 13 of first Nephi, my attention was drawn to verse 40. Much of the gist of this chapter is drawing attention to the fact that precious truths of the Bible were foretold to be lost, deliberately and perhaps not deliberately, but nonetheless the chapter outlines the significant cost that will come as a result of this great loss, that being primarily confusion and stumbling, and blindness because of the loss of the "most precious parts of the gospel of the Lamb".  

Elder Holland stated, “Surely the most plain and precious of all truths lost from the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, are the clear and unequivocal declarations of the mission of Jesus Christ, his foreordained role as Messiah and Savior of the world, and the covenantal elements of his gospel, which have been taught from Adam down through each succeeding dispensation. Thus the Book of Mormon’s highest purpose is to restore to the universal family of God that crucial knowledge of Christ’s role in the salvation of every man, woman, and child who now lives, has ever lived, or will yet live upon the earth.”

1 Ne 13:40 is the only place in the chapter that I noticed where it identifies what some of those lost truths are, when it states the last records that come forth "shall make known unto all ... that the Lamb of God is the Son of the Eternal Father, and the Savior of the world, and that all men must come unto him, or they cannot be saved".  

I guess I need to study the Bible more closely, because I was under the impression that these truths are evident in the BIble. I guess what I love from verse 40 is the phrase, "All must come unto him".  I think 'coming' is much more than what so many Christians believe to be necessary, which is simply "accepting" Him as their Savior.  THe word "coming" connotes action, following, not just recognizing who He is but taking steps to be close to Him, to be where He is.  Then my mind immediately jumps to Ether 12:27 - the explanation of what happens when men "come".

Ether 12:27. And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Fascinating thought - this is a promise from the Savior that if we do indeed come unto Him, His gift to us will be our understanding of our weakness so we can be made strong.  He will strengthen those who humble themselves - or in other words, if we're stripped of pride, we can be filled with strength.  But we must come, we can't just accept.  I do think that is an imperative that the restored gospel of Jesus Christ makes abundantly clear - we aren't saved by Grace alone, we have to come.  

July 12, 2020

I was reading in 1 Ne. 13 today and had an interesting thought.  I have long struggled when I see things in the scriptures that refer to skin color and generally associate goodness or righteousness with light skin.  Nephi does the same thing here and in other places, and it’s just a struggle to read through that section.

Today as I read, I - for the first time ever - thought that Nephi is just a dude with flaws himself, formed and informed by relationships, society, family, friends, and his own experiences, even preferences. I suppose there is a reason at that time, even if it was his own reason, why he had the perception that fairness of skin equated to beauty.  Doesn’t mean he was right.  In some ways I enjoy seeing this flaw in Nephi, make him more human.  He even goes so far as to call them, “fair like his own people before they were slain”. I guess it’s fine for him to have that preference; Tay thinks black men with British accents are the most attractive men in the world - not a flaw, but a preference.  Maybe Nephi should have had a bit more sensitivity though around what he dropped into what would become the most important book we have.

I remember in Nicaragua there was a word for “light skinned” - it was ‘chele’. I don’t know if it was because fair skin represented American / European descent - which translates to money, freedom, opportunity, etc. But the chele’s got the chicks - that’s what I remember.

I guess the last thing I’d say is just that in these more recent days of access to information and documents and history which has never before been in our grasp, we are finding more and more of the humanity of our prophets of past and present, and in many ways it is challenging many people.  I’m not sure why this is the first time we have struggled so mightily with the flawed natures of God’s prophets, heaven knows that the Bible is full of examples of the flaws of his chosen leaders.  But somehow we all have to separate men / women from doctrine. It’s not an easy distinction because we connect with people more than we connect with words, and we can idolize or deify men more that we can words so many of us stake much of our testimonies on men and women whom we admire - and when their failings are exposed it can be devastating.

I think perhaps this is why Christ is the only one to whom we should attach that much admiration and attachment, as he is the only one who won’t eventually disappoint in one way or another.  His church, His truth, and Him.  The more we humanize and get to know him, the more we settle in on the remarkable, inspiring, hopeful, and loving nature of the Son of God, our brother.

July 8, 2020

Just received a phone call from an old friend from my MBA program.  He's one with whom I haven't spoken in probably 15 years.  He's a risk manager for a big investment bank and while he called to have a long overdue check in, it became something of a bleak discussion about the pandemic and the shadow of what he expects will be more crisis yet to fall on our global economy.  Frankly, it was quite unsettling, and he's somebody I trust.  I haven't been sure what to do, and frankly I still am not sure.  However, I willed myself back to the scriptures, though my inclination was to do something else to distract me from these disconcerting thoughts.

But I made it back to Nephi 11 when we see the visions that were shown to Nephi by the angel of whom he asked to see the things which his father had seen.  A couple scriptures jumped out to me - verse 28 may be the one in particular that illustrates the the thought that is most poignant to me.  He went among the people ministering to them with power and great glory, and multitudes came to him.  And then they cast Him out from among them.  In verse 31 we continue to see the miracles and wonders he produces for the people, healing sick, blessing children, casting out evil.  And in 32, we read that he is then judged of them and in 33 slain by them.

I can't help but think how this great, promised land that was built by the hand of God himself, beneath the banner of righteousness under Him, has so flourished with the blessing of His love and compassion.  As a nation we have thrived as none other in the history of mankind, and He has shown His face.  But we continue to cast Him out.  Like never before we are filling in the space which He once filled with our wisdom, our distractions, our self-importance, our selfish priorities and pride.  We have watched his miracles unfold in innumerable blessings and like the Jews of old, we have determined to judge Him, and too many of us have found Him to be out of alignment with what we want for ourselves and our lives.  Such was the case with those who took his life.  He did nothing to hurt them, but He simply was not aligned with their selfishness and ambitions, and eventually the power struggle had to end.  There is simply no logical reason why Christ would have had to die, as there is no good reason why so many people have to find reasons to squeeze God from our society.  

And I can't help but wonder, is this pandemic a sign of what happens when we as a people crowd God from the space He once inhabited in our world, in our lives, in our hearts, in our homes and families.  These verses in Nephi 11 are a grave warning of what could be, and I fear unfortunately that we are not inclined to look to Him for a path out of this mess we're in.

But I can look to Him, and my family can look to Him.  We can have faith and trust and give way for him to fill us.  We can make more space in our homes for Him to live here, and his presence will bring the blessings that His presence has always brought.  I pray I will always keep my own faith to trust Him, and make room for Him.

July 7, 2020

1 Nephi 11 is full of the goods.  Verse 6 is to me one of the iconic scriptures on Faith.  I think maybe one of the Deseret Book keychains or tee shirts could base a logo on this verse; the logo would say, "Believe and Behold".  Nephi is asked if he believes, and he says to the angel, effectively, 'you know i believe'.  I wonder why the angel asked him if he already knew the answer.  Maybe it was so the angel could make sure to communicate the pattern - Believe and Behold. 

This is primary stuff, but the principle woven in here teaches that we need to have faith first, so then we are rewarded with something marvelous to behold.  Hebrews 11 talks all about faith, verse 6 says that "he the cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is the rewarder of them that diligently seek him".  

It is so obvious to make the following point that I hesitate to do so, but it's important: most of us would like to flip those terms - we'd like to behold then believe.  The scriptures are chalk full of such examples, not the least of which was Korihor.  It simply doesn't work.  Perhaps because in the believing we are required to diligently seek, and the diligently seeking is paramount in preparing ourselves to "behold".  The diligently seeking is the birthplace of humility and therefore learning and understanding.  Humility is the place where we are emptied and as such can be filled.  I think of the various places in the scriptures where we hear "full of pride" and "stripped of pride".  I think the idea of being full and being empty, or stripped, are great metaphors for our seceptibility to being taught, or being filled with the things of God and of the eternities.

One thing to add, and it is loosely related.  Sunday i listened to my younger brother Brady give my mom one of the powerful blessings I've heard in my life.  I was so honored to be there, proud of him and his righteousness, and grateful to Heavenly Father for the words that were sent down on my mom's behalf.  I believe Brady's humility was at the heart of his ability to receive those words - his being stripped of pride in that moment such that he could be filled.  It was a beautiful day.