July 26, 2020

Been a few days.  I get reading done but I have struggled mightily to stay awake to write.  I am reading in Chapter 19 of 1 Nephi, it's when NEphi calls out that he may be making some mistakes in his judgment as to which book should be used to record which events.  Then he essentially says that from the beginning men have been making some pretty bad judgment calls.  

Yesterday in home church Tay talked about what is required to make it to Heaven, especially in light of scriptures like "Be ye therefore perfect".  She talked shared some quotes from Elder Holland and President Ballard that reminded us to try.  That's what we need to be doing - we need to be trying.  As I think aboiiut Nephi's reference to those who've gone before him and made mistakes, I think some may be trying to excuse himself because others have made mistakes too.   Kind of as if he's being petty and doing the, "I did this, but you did that" thing.  I don't think that's what Nephi is doing at all.

I think Nephi is saying, "I'm not perfect, and news flash, neither were the many prophets before me - because that's not what is expected of us".  I hope those who read it come away with the thought that Nephi, as the many prophets before him, aren't without flaw, and I don't have to be either.

I wonder what it is that causes us to fluctuate between the best of ourselves and the less great in ourselves, or that "natural being" that is within each of us.  I think it's that we forget about grace, and the atonement, and put on the humility that accompanies those whose hearts are full of gratitude for the mercy and grace of a loving Savior.  Interestingly that grace is not meant to make us feel guilt, it is meant for us to understand how loved we are, because of our divine worth.  Conversely the natural man in us is - in my opinion - by nature hungry for approval, for evidence that it is loved, revered, respected, feared, in short, worthy.  The atonement and the Holy Ghost entice us to love and accept ourselves because of our godly nature, our divine heritage, our infinite value to Heavenly parents for whom we are of infinite worth.  With God and the Savior's sacrifice, that divine worth is free - not to be earned, it's not limited so it doesn't have to be divided, it's eternal.  So one need not jockey for it, simply accept it and let it change us, and as it does we begin to approach perfection - perhaps not because of what we do from moment to moment, but because of our understanding of who we are: Infinite, invaluable, divine beings.